I am reading “come as you are” by Emily Nagoski, Ph. D. and the following quote hit home: “…stressed-out humans more readily interpret all stimuli as threats…”
My voice teacher in graduate school, Dr. Rebecca Folsom, lovingly called this the “circle-and-sniff.” We as singers have all seen it: the singers who act a little larger-than-life on the first day of a gig. The signs are universal: name dropping, inside joke telling, resume comparison, shit-talking. We have all either witnessed this or participated in it to varying degrees in our industry. It’s the relationship between how you want to be perceived by the group, and what makes you feel safe. Because, traditionally, this environment poses many threats.
A microcosm of the fight or flight response. Some singers puff up, get loud, and bubble over with personality. Others stay quiet, stick with their thoughts, and suss-out potential threats before opening themselves up. Both solid coping mechanisms in a complex social situation. The downfall is that because all of us (no matter how we show it) are stressed out, we are more likely to perceive each other’s responses to the situation as threatening.
How do we combat this type of stress? I think it’s what my therapists would call “doing the work at home.” Making sure that your self-worth has nothing to do with the opinions of others before entering these high-stress environments. It’s a tall order, and something that is a life-long journey. On a more easily digestible scale, do the things that make you feel good that day: say the affirmations, plan your outfit that puts you in your comfort zone, practice patience with yourself and others, be as prepared musically as possible, and let go of expectations. As I approach my “first day of school” for another Young Artist Program, I feel the excitement, newness, gratitude of what is to come, but I also feel the discomfort of not knowing where I will fit in socially, vocally, and professionally. And that is okay. We all feel it, even if you don’t want to admit it. Sometimes my response is to puff-up, and sometimes I crawl inside my shell. It really depends on the dynamic I feel once I get there. Over time, I have gotten slightly better at feeling less stressed, but when I do act in a way that is odd for me, I try and give myself grace. We are all trying our best out here, and we all want to be loved.
So if you feel yourself doing this, or see someone else doing this, please be forgiving and kind. We are all in a different place of self-acceptance, and the high-stress environment of a new gig (new critiques, new relationships, the pressure to be professional-but-fun, conservative-but-not-stuffy, fear of singing poorly, and the pressure to perform well, phew!)
Obviously, this observation could apply universally to professional firsts in any industry. That’s why I believe that the best management strategies are those that dismantle the stress and introduce each member of the team with their strengths and unique capabilities at the forefront. In opera, there are certainly stars of a show, but we are all telling the same story, and each of us is a valuable part of the whole.
For all those young artists starting new programs, and finding their footing in these magical places: I see you, I empathize with you, and I am excited for the work we are all doing together!